North Korea
Moatto Obedientiam. Officium. Pussare. Mortem. A Brief History of the North Korean People The First Moat At the dawn of time, the North Korean nation was born into the world at the will of the great leader, Gigledon. With singular vision, he created a race of obedient subjects that he may rule and conquer the world with. For many centuries, children would laugh and play in the gumdrop forests and paddle in the rivers of chocolate. The adults would sit and read of the many virtues of Gigledon, and create many great works of art and writing. These days of happiness and prosperity would not last, however. A great shadow began to creep over the lands, and a great evil was born. The master of this great evil, whom scholars would later learn to be called Alatadal, saw the fine people created by the great leader and grew jealous. He attempted to create life of his own, but it was flawed and twisted, and some were even stunted and bearded. These other peoples began to roam the lands created by the great leader, and at their feet the land turned dark and burned. The chocolate rivers ran dry and the gumdrop forests turned to dust. These early North Koreans feared not though, for the great leader was with them. Gigledon saw the broken peoples trying to invade his land, and in a moment of sheer brilliance began to remove the dirt from the ground. The great leader's fists pounded and broke the ground, creating a square trench which came around to meet itself. By hand, the great leader crafted the first Moat, and with its power the victory of the North Korean people was assured, but not without some price. Gigledon's hands were broken and bleeding from the great effort of the task, and from his hands bled cobble. As such, this was a sign from the great leader that cobble was his lifeblood, the life blood of North Korea, and the life blood of the Moat. In fear and awe of this great achievement, the minions of Alatadel retreated. Some dug deep underground, in a vastly unsuccessful attempt at copying the glory of the moat, while others scattered. Such was the first Moat, and the first great victory of Gigledon and his North Koreans. Moatism (religion) The official national religion of North Korea is that of the Moat, commonly referred to as Moatism. The Moat is more than a “deep absence of earth" to North Korea. The Moat is something which cannot be seen, touched, smelled or heard therefore it is something which is “absent” but it is also omnipresent at the same time - two attributes which comprise the dual nature of the Moat. The Moat is constantly undergoing two twin process known to North Koreans as “integration and disintegration”, which contrary to working antagonistically with eachother as one would imagine, are actually two mutually beneficial processes which can be referred to in simpler terms as “simultaneous increase and decrease” i.e. As earth and mineral is taken from the moat by Koreans causing it to disintegrate, the Moat also grows in size and presence – “Integration” or “Increase”. The Moat, in return to North Koreans for their meritorious actions imparts unto them its loving providence. Far from regarding the actions of North Koreans as an act of greed and hostility towards the Earth, the Moat regards their unparalleled ability to remove large pieces of earth as an act of strength and will power, which is a belief which runs contrary to those of most others, whose ideals of “giving back to the Earth what you take” are regarded by the Moat as indicative of weakness and shaft-love, and have provided a source of amusement for the Moat in the time before it’s discovery by the North Korean people. The human mind, never mind that of the non-Korean human, cannot comprehend the true spiritual nature of the Moat's duality except by use of analogy which only gives a superficial understanding of it’s true essence which entirely transcends something as transient as human language. In North Korean schools, children are first introduced to the concept of the Moats duality by drinking glasses of water and observing how as water is removed, the space in the glass also increases, but beyond this no further elaboration is done. This is because North Koreans think it advisable for servants of the Moat, regardless of intellectual capacity to not focus too much time and energy on understanding the true essence of the Moat as this would run contrary to the cold apathy which has allowed North Korean people to build a flourishing society fueled by nothing but the desire to obey, pay their dues to, honor and die for the Moat. It is this apathy that has turned the North Korean people into the ruthless champions of the cause of the Moat which they are today, and is the reason that the empire has spread, since its inception at the Moats discovery, all the way from North Korea…to the rest of North Korea. For this same reason, North Korea will continue to dig the Moat, and the Moat will love and provide for them while itself growing…and yet disintegrating from their efforts – Thus reinforcing the Moats duality. The culture and philosophy of the North Korean people has also developed as a result of observing the symbolism surrounding the existence of the Moat, and has formed the basis of North Korean politics and interaction with the rest of the world. Seemingly hostile to non-Koreans, the actions of North Korea to other nations are actually regarded by Koreans as a gift and blessing of the highest honor. Koreans regard no attribute more highly than the attributes of the Moat. By taking from their neighboring factions, North Koreans are causing them to disintegrate in order to grow in the manner of the Moat. Consequently Koreans are grateful for the efforts of other factions in aiding them to achieve these Moatly attributes by taking from them as they do the Moat, and will in turn strive to return the favor 10 fold upon anyone kind enough to serve them in this way- such is the way of North Korean competitiveness with regards to kindness. Leadership North Korea is governed by a central figure known as the "Supreme Leader". The title “Supreme Leader” was originally a hereditary title handed down father to son, originating from the first and only person to directly receive divine power from the Moat itself. It is written that the first Supreme Leader whilst on a morning stroll through the justice fields became lost at length and was forced to defecate into the Moat which he thought at the time was just a large chasm. It is believed that at this moment the volume of his excrement displaced a proportionately equal volume of the Moats divine energy which upon exiting the Moat found a repository in the Supreme Leader’s form and caused him to experience “a mysterious, black, penetrating force”. After learning to harness his newly acquired power the Supreme Leader, whose original identity is unknown, proceeded to unify the then heavily segregated North Korea and in doing so won the hearts and wives of the people. In time however the family of the original Supreme Leader became so large and convoluted that differences began to arise and schisms started to form, each with its own idea as to who should be appointed Supreme Leader. Even though the original Supreme Leader made his wishes very clear, greed and ambition caused many members of the family to break away. Despite its turbulent past of civil warfare, North Korea is at present mostly unified, with a hand-full of easily extinguished underground movements springing up from time to time known to North Koreans as “prairie dog defections”. It is unknown however if the current Supreme Leader shares genealogy with the first. One Supreme Leader, in order to put an end to the civil unrest, decided against appointing any of his sons the station of Supremacy and instead created a council of elders still in existence today which comes together periodically to elect the new Supreme Leader in a periodic “moat”. Currently in debate within illegal circles of scholars and thinkers is the claim of “divine power” upheld by all Supreme Leaders, and whether or not this can be passed, if at all, by appointment, election or erection. Regardless of the reality, Supreme Leaders still uphold a large amount of political power, and are perceived as more than just figureheads of both the government and the religion of Moatism. Events and battles The Battle of the Battle Moat - 12 February 2013 After various small raids from both sides, resulting in minor damage to property and livestock, the Men of the North, after entering North Korea through the Pig Gate, which was built exclusively for those them branded as being "capitalist pigs", launched an unexpected attack on the Moatherland, forcing the unsuspecting residents to scatter and run to safety. Upon regrouping, the North Korea dug several temporary underground bases (Named Outposts Alpha through Delta) with the intention of forming a resistance aimed at taking back the Moatherland from the Men of the North. These bases, however, were compromised one by one due to varying factors, such as decreased awareness from slime withdrawal and sticky keys. It was at this time when the Supreme Leader gave the go-ahead for the launch of North Koreas weather satellite - The Battle Moat. After fending for themselves in the wilderness, the scattered citizens of North Korea eventually found their way back into the Moatherland separately, and after a joyous celebration of Moat water and Stockholm-silence, they had the resolve it took to finish the Battle Moat and prepare it for launch. After its launch on 12 February 2013, the meteorologists aboard the Battle Moat sighted the first Northman inside North Korea, put aside their meteorology equipment and geared themselves for battle. After a brief exchange of arrows between the Battle Moat and the constructions of the enemy, the Men of the North briefly left their battle stations for a group battle massage (an experimental method employed by the Northman military as a morale boost for soldiers), allowing North Koreans to sabotage their war-constructs, and save the Battle Moat as well as the Moatherland. This battle was concluded with a truce between the two sides. While the leaders of either side did not seem to know exactly what a truce was, the terms were known to all, and as a result a ceasefire is currently in place. Upon the conclusion of the battle, the instruments aboard the Battle Moat sprung to life, as if by divine intervention, and gave their first forecasted weather readings. This was cause for even more celebration in the Moatherland and a new life was breathed into her people. Moatist Jihad - 21st August - A war currently being fought to install moatism in the Palamaine Republic The Battle Moat 1.0/ Weather Satellite The Battle Moat is a weather satellite launched prematurely on 12th February 2011 by North Korea. With its meteorological functionality still intact, it was recently temporarily repurposed as a battle station during the Battle of the Battle Moat as a platform for fighting the invading Men of the North. Name While a Moat is generally perceived as a defensive trench in the Earth, to North Koreans the word “Moat” has come to be used as a colloquial term within the culture to refer to any nouns which exhibit some kind of duality. For example, if Albert Einstein was Korean, and he discovered the electrons wave-particle duality http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wave%E2%80%93particle_duality for the first time, he probably would have described it as a “Moat” when pitching his idea to the Supreme Leader as he was put to death for thought crime. This is because it exhibits two seemingly mutually exclusive attributes: That of the wave and that of the particle. The naming of the Battle Moat however was a little more abstract. As simply put as possible: The Battle Moat is not a Moat, as it is essentially a large flying box, yet it is called a Moat, thus making it a Moat. Therefore, if the Battle Moat is not a Moat, but at the same time it is a Moat because it is called a Moat, then in North Korean colloquial terms, it is most certainly a Moat. If we draw a parallel with Einstein’s electron then it might be easier understood: The Electron is a particle. The Battle Moat is a Moat. The Electron is also not a particle. The Battle Moat is also not a Moat. The Electron is a Moat. The Battle Moat is a Moat. The reason why something which exhibits duality is referred to as a “Moat” by North Koreans is explained further if one understands the basics of “Moatism”- The national religion of North Korea. First weather report The Battle Moat gave its first weather report on 13 February 2013 at the conclusion of the Battle of the Battle Moat, but not by the the doing of the meteorologists aboard the vessel as they were preoccupied with the battle. Some say it was divine intervention. Completion At present the battlemoat resides to the West of North Korean capital "Giglegrad" and acts as a fort for the waring nation of North Korea to defend from the onslaught of attacking factions. Due to having blessed the North Koreans with good fortune in battle, the Battle Moat is now a symbol of victory, and although no longer used for its original meteorogical purposes, it's ingenious design will be used as the design template for many future offensive and defensice structures. Architect The chief architect of the Battle Moat was a North Korean design prodigy, Dobo189, who claims that each of his designs comes as a result of divine inspiration from the Moat. When interviewed on the subject of the Battle Moat design he has explained, "I waseth alseep upon my couch when lo, there floateth before me a divine entity, perfect in proportions, trancendant in geometry. "Here I am" said he. "I am he who the west call 'A cuboid'." "I was blown away by it's complexity" Explained Dobo189. "No one in the history of North Korea had ever dreamed of anything so complicated, so upon waking I immediately sat at my drawing board, and after 12 days, I had completed the design of the Battle Moat" Prairie dog defections A “Prairie dog defection” or simply “Prairie dog” is a term coined by a North Korean journalist to refer to the minor rebellions experienced from certain movements within North Korea. The severity of these defections varies significantly. Some defections have been put down by force, while others were simply willing to reform after a short while with some prairie dogs leaving North Korea entirely and waging all out war. The term, if not already apparent is named after the manner in which prairie dogs pop their heads up above ground before quickly going back down. North Korean Defectors In 2011 one citizen of North Korea known as Piepai was unhappy with the progress of the state in terms of both infrastructure and aesthetics. By way of protest Piepai formed a branch of North Korea called “North Korean Defectors” and made a base in a small boat in a lake. Although he launched a few guerrilla attacks on the main North Korea base, operating with the use of smuggler tactics and with the aid of the gullible Hairybeef, who Piepai had groomed over time using his experience as a paedophile and eventually convinced to break away from North Korea, it was clear at the outset to both the government of North Korea as well as Piepai that the defection was nothing more than a protest. North Korea therefore responded positively to Piepai’s constructive criticism and applied some major changes to the base, allowing both Piepai and Hairybeef to return to their Moatherland without consequences. Men of the North (Fictitious Story) Of all the rebellious movements which have stirred in North Korea since its inception, perhaps the most noteworthy is the defection of the Men of the North. In light of the results it has produced, this is a movement comparable to that of the bowel. The roots of this rebellion go back to the early days of North Korea when the members of this outcast group were citizens of the nation. History has shown how one seed of ambition can lay dormant in a mans heart for many years, and also how suddenly this seed can germinate and turn its host into a monster. This was the case for Patrick, who was the son of one of North Korea's Supreme Leaders. As the eldest of his siblings, Patrick grew up with the understanding that he would be appointed Supreme Leader of North Korea upon either his fathers death or retirement, yet he remained unaware of the deep concern his father harbored for his nation. Patrick soon learned of his fathers plans to do away with the tradition of Supreme Leaders appointing their eldest male offspring as next in line in order to try to save North Korea from falling apart at the seams. Note that this was at the time when claimants to the station of Supreme Leader we're cropping up on all sides, causing rifts, schisms and factions to form everywhere as a result of peoples ambitions. Patrick, upon hearing of his father's plans instantly felt threatened and dishonored and decided to take action against his father, regardless of the fact that so much as the wrong kind of glance at a Supreme Leader can result in death, even if it is family. He arranged for a man to be hired who could dishonor his father enough that he would have to resign lest there be a civil uprising. This man was 10greenbottles, a professional disgrace-artist, trained in the art of blackmail. Their plans however encountered some complications which resulted in their intentions being discovered by the state. Before they could be put to death however, they were imprisoned pending trial when they managed to escape with some of the prison guards and start an independent settlement which would later become the home of the Men of the North: A people who, generations after their founders disgrace, still harbor needless hate, jealousy and bitterness towards their forefathers: North Korea. The Madness of Coreleas Despite his normal loyalty and integrity, Coreleas was struck by a great madness and decided to join the Dwarves over the summer of 2014. With him, the traitors Selukon, Jeregor, and Ophill also turned their back on the great nation of North Korea. Through much meditation and prayer, Coreleas was cured of the madness, and begged humbly before the great leader to be taken back into the light of the Moat. In a great act of compassion and leadership, Gigledon allowed Coreleas back into the fold, stating that no one is lost to the light of the Moat, for the Moat is eternal and forgiving in its nature. However, Coreleas' turn angered the Dwarven leader Hilary_Duff, which the North Koreans hope will draw them into a foolish attack on the Moat. The other traitors are yet to see the light, cowering in the dark of the Dwarven mines, being punished for their coat turning by the pleasuring of the insatiable Dwarven leaders National Anthem http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDTS1XlkfzA Media Individuals who are engaged in artistic services to the state are permitted to create and distribute their own work at will, provided that the work meets standards set by the Censoring Office of Content in Korea. The only mandatory of these requirements is that the artists work in some way depicts the glory of the Moat, for example, the most recent work from rapper Biggie Moat featuring Burga$$. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDTS1XlkfzA